How to Treat People

Written By Meghan Fitzgerald

Yesterday I shared a book with my boys called "We're All Wonders" by R.J. Palacio, the author of the best-selling young adult book "Wonder." Both stories center around the experience of a 5th grade boy, Auggie, with Treacher Collins Syndrome (TCS). TCS is a kind of craniofacial disorder where one's face and ears are different because the skull formed without cheek bones, eye sockets, and ears. However, the brain is uneffected.

 

"We're All Wonders" is a brightly illustrated, beautifully written, and simplified pairing to "Wonder" with a similar theme that is accessible to a younger audience. The brilliance of reading "Wonder" is how Palacio allowed the reader to experience the story through the perspectives of multiple characters - building empathy and understanding of their motives and actions.

 

In "We're All Wonders," we see a vivid view of the main character, Auggie's experience as a child who is perceived differently by other people because of the way his face looks.

 

The boys kept asking questions about whether Auggie only had 1 eye, as the images depict. After reading the book I asked them if they wanted to see a video of a kid with Treacher Collins Syndrome and they both agreed. We watched this clip from November 2017 on ABC News: Boy Living with Treacher Collins has 53 surgeries by age 11 (7 min).

 

The boys were mesmerized watching Nathaniel grow up with the stigma and challenges of living with a craniofacial disorder while still remaining optimistic about his future and people’s ability to be kind. In asking my oldest what he thought the message was, I heard him say "treat others the way you want to be treated." When I affirmed this and repeated it back he corrected me saying:

 

"Treat others the way they want to be treated."

 

He clarified that we can't assume or know how others want to be treated. He said it isn't fair to treat others the way one wants to be treated because we are all different. You can become friends with them and get to know them by slowly building trust. Mic drop. My partner and I didn’t teach him this; it must have come from teachers and camp counselors.

In interviews I’ve watched or read, many individuals with Treacher Collins Syndrome stated how important it is to them that they be treated with respect and kindness. This is how I want to be treated as well, and I strive to raise my children to treat all people with kindness and respect regardless of how one looks, acts, moves, talks, etc..

Here are some suggestions from Kimberly Doto, Speech-Language Pathologist: “Look into the kind of social and emotional learning that is being taught in local schools. Ask: ‘Is there a curriculum that focuses on empathy and how to treat others?’ Many districts have adopted a specific program; for example Positive Behavior Interventions Supports. It’s important to know what is being used in schools and outside activities in order to practice and apply those skills in other settings. If the school doesn't have anything, ask, ‘Why not?’ Children aren't expected to know how to read and write; so we teach them. We shouldn't just expect our kids to know inherently how to treat others; we have to show and teach them these skills as well.”

Additional ways to engage:

#Craniofacial #ChooseKind #CraniofacialAwareness #CraniofacialAcceptance #TreacherCollinsSyndromeProud

Photo by Nonsap Visuals on Unsplash.

Thank you Brendan Kuntz, Erin Fitzgerald, and Kimberly Doto, for your generous assistance with this post.

Meghan Fitzgerald
Next

Just Say Gay. Protect Trans Kids.